1/28/10
Let’s start with missing Alaska and missing my girlfriends. It’s been a hard and long 3 years since I’ve been away. It’s just not the same down here in the lower 48 and I’m really feeling it. Starting with the obvious–it is a dry desert! Every plant here has a thorn–even the pretty ones. Unsuspectingly you reach your hand down to pick a flower and “ouch”! Then there’s the heat–which after you live in Alaska you know what it’s like going from the car to the house… to the car… inside Carrs (grocery store) … to the car again. Well, that’s what it’s like when it’s 118 outside. You do exactly that.
I stood up on South Mountain a while back with my husband, Brian, and I looked out at the urban sprawl in amazement–just over 4.5m people here in the Phoenix Valley. I could see from the east McDowell Mountains to the west White Tanks–and there wasn’t any land that wasn’t developed. As lights started to come on around the city during the sunset, the reality of being around all these people really set in. While it was beautiful to look at, it wasn’t as beautiful as my Alaska–not by a long shot.
Most of you know I moved here to care for my brother who was terminally ill at the time. I left Arizona 22 years ago to pioneer up to Alaska–get out of the heat and start a new life. I wasn’t going to stay for long. I promised my whole family that. But I ended up staying–without my even realizing it–Alaska became my home. Being isolated from everyone else and so far away…my few close long-time girlfriends became my family as we shared our daily trivia together and solidified an unspoken support network for one another that made dealing with every day issues with single parenthood, school, kids, work and life much easier. We were 3-Peas-in-a-Pod, the Three Musketeers, Charlie’s Angels (okay, more like the Three Stooges…naaaa….but you get where I’m going here!) or The Three Amiga’s! Occasionally we’d have another few gals join us, but for the most part—we 3 were the foundation of our group.
It took 17 years to settle in and just when I became a “Sourdough” (term coined for those that survive as an Alaskan for 20 years)–I moved. I ended up losing all my family while I was there–they all passed away due to one illness or another. The only one that I had left, and vice versa, was my brother Daryl. I miss him so much and still feel very fortunate to have spent 5 good, solid months with him before he passed away. While I was up being the family rebel, he kept my connection to Arizona alive–and it always felt like it was home to me, somewhere deep down in my heart. I hadn’t realized that Alaska had filled that spot until I started packing to move here. Accckkk.
I tell people all the time that there is a square mile of land for every person that lives there–it’s not saturated at all. Most people down here can’t comprehend what that’s like–they just look at me with bewilderment. There’s a specialness about Alaska that even Alaskan’s don’t always realize. Sure, the hard dark and cold winters take their toll. What some consider isolation from the world–I consider joy. I was at the grocery store last August and a lady knocked my tomatoes out of my hands while standing in the checkout line. THAT was it! I called my husband and said “get me out of here!” and we took off to Sedona for the weekend! I needed to get away from all the people, the smog, the noise and the heat! It was indeed a nice break.
My girlfriends and I are still very close. Three of them flew down for our wedding a few years ago—which was a very special time. As for my Alaska—I still miss it and haven’t been back. With the price of airfare the way it is, I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get up there! I do get to see one of the girls about every 6 months as her job requires a bit of travel that she can get a great deal on multi-city plane fare versus flying direct, so that helps!
It’s been hard to make friends in this town and I’m struggling to make any real connections. I felt blessed every day to have such beauty surround me while I went about my activities of being TaxiMom or working in outside sales and going to visit customers. I’d complain during the really cold days, it hurts when your little nose hair freezes! Still, it was easy to take in the beauty because while I lived in the largest city in Alaska—nature was just-right-there. If you’ve ever experienced Alaska, you know what I mean.
Unfortunately at this point, all I’m seeing is a concrete landscape, thorny plants and yes, hot days that aren’t unbearable. It’s difficult to find my daily little piece of heaven. I guess it’s still hard to let go. I’ll keep at it and at some point it’ll get easier–experience has taught me that much.
Looking for the beauty around me…….
Chasing Serendipity 