Now that I’m living in a big city, I can’t help but notice that it seems wherever we go, I encounter a lot more children misbehaving in public who are accompanied by their parents with no regards to how said kids are acting in public. Maybe it’s because mine are all grown now (or the fact that they weren’t allowed to act that way in public…ever!) that it really seems to cause the last nerve in my spine to blast off the back of my head when I hear the shrill of a kid throwing a fit when his mommy has told him “No.”
I have to admit, that the incident today in my local Costco where there were 2 different kids in 2 different carts with 2 different sets of parents allowing them to have a screaming contest with each other across the store that has sent me over the edge! I was the mom who used such kids as examples of what NOT to do in public, especially when my kids were present. In a slightly elevated but stern voice I’d get their attention and say, “You see that? THAT is an example of bad behavior! You better never act like that in public. I’ll take you home and spank your butt”! The nodding heads told me they got the message. Trust me; I used every opportunity to point out poor behavior that popped up. It worked. Not to sound like I had model kids because Lord knows we’ve been through our trials and tribulations..and there were a lot and still are! However, mine never acted out in public and were always complimented on how good they were. That positive attention reinforced my discipline. It worked like magic!
Not every parent cares or wants to do something about it. It seems there’s also been a rise in people loudly complaining about screaming, rude and/or obnoxious children in public, so much so that restaurants, movie theaters, among other businesses are creating kid bans. Hopefully, parents are listening up.. because the complaining is getting louder! Even Malaysia Airlines is on board (no pun intended) with banning babies in their first class cabins. Great—just who can fly in first class to Malaysia anyway? When a domestic carrier like United or US Air jumps on this one, it’ll get more attention. Also, a Pennsylvania area restaurant, McDain’s, incorporated the “no kids under 6” policy this past July. We know it’s not the kids fault… so what gives?
As Dory Devlin of Yahoo’s Shine put it in an online article posted on Thursday, September 9, 2010, “It’s one more line in the sand(box) by adults who believe tolerance of cranky, crying, noisy (or quiet-breastfeeding) kids has a definite limit when they are around on a plane, in a restaurant, in a bar”. Great line, Dory. In fact, from all the research I’ve read so far, while there is some chatter out there regarding child or age discrimination, most people including patrons of these new kid free zones are right on the “no kid” band wagon. Devlin asks the questions wondering if people are becoming less tolerant of kids overall, noisy or not, OR are more parents who bring their kids with them tuned out to their noisy counterparts?
Here are my thoughts. This isn’t about a baby or child who is cranky because he feels awful and should be at home resting or is too over-stimulated and just needs a nap in his cuddly bed. This isn’t the hungry newborn whose mommy is trying to check out of the grocery store so she can get to the car to nurse. We know what those baby sounds are…and most of us (especially moms) know what’s happening and are understanding. This is about the kid with a learned behavior problem that screams because she isn’t getting her way or just feels like being the one in control and bringing attention to herself in public knowing it probably frustrates mommy, but doesn’t care because if she holds out long enough, she’ll be justly rewarded for pitching that fit. Soon the pink pony will be in hand and one more battle is won by the spoiled 4 year old. In addition, we as a society also have the parents who think that high pitched noise their kid is making from the top shelf of their cart is cute and encourages it because they themselves are selfishly focused on shopping. Guess what? It isn’t cute! It’s anything but!
I think parents are more worried about how they’ll be perceived by others for spanking or disciplining their children in public and are allowing poor habits to form with lasting consequences to both parent and child, rather than giving their kid a good ‘ol whack on the butt for acting out. I’ve heard some parents even say they fear the police will be called for making their kids behave in a physical manner. It’s either that, or they just have no respect or common courtesy for those around them. Period. They continue to shop as if nothing is happening in their carts rather than deal with the situation. Has society really taught parents to NOT discipline their kids in public so much so that we’ve arrived at a common culture of unruly children, one where some people are standing up and saying “enough!”? Then there are those parents who exhibit some sort of entitlement that says “I don’t care if my kid acts out, I deserve to be here too”. Well, not at the expense of others you don’t. While there’s no manual that comes with being a parent—keeping your kids under control while in public should be instinctual with parenthood! It’s one of the cardinal rules.
It’s not all about the noise either. My husband and I were in IKEA in Tempe about a month ago on a casual shopping trip. Let me preface this story with the fact our IKEA (like most I believe) has a free supervised play area for children. Their website advertises “a fun day for the whole family!” While shopping, we came across some really neat outdoor furniture that I was interested in and wanted to have a better look. So I walked up close to it and stood there deep in thought to how this furniture might look set up in our outdoor patio. My husband pulled out his tape measure and we went to work in an attempt to get a solid measurement when a darling little boy came running up and then around us, at first didn’t seem disruptive, but soon turned that way. It wouldn’t have been so bad if it felt like he was playing. Instead the kid looked at us and then back at his parents, as if testing their levels to see how far he could push it. I watched for a few rounds and then shot a quick glance toward Mom and lifted my eyebrow showing my discontent at her allowing this child to run amuck while we were working to get a measurement of the space. She quickly gave me a scowl and said “He’s just a little boy”… to which I replied slightly curt, “And you’re his mother, get him under control”. She mumbled something as she scooped him up and walked away, but I didn’t hear it. Probably a good thing, I’m guessing.
We know there’s a time and place for everything and everyone. So tell me, what are your thoughts on the “no kid” ban? I’m curious to read your comments. Please do leave them here below, it’s easy! Also, I’m so fired up about this, here’s what I’m going to do. From now until the end of the year every time I’m out shopping, dining or otherwise and a noisy or obnoxious kid is capturing the scene, I’m going to pull out my iPhone and video them. Then maybe after some face wiping (to-protect-the-innocent) editing I’ll post those videos here! I encourage you to join me—and let’s just see how many of these kids are really acting out, or is it just an intolerance that’s growing? I’m not sure how we’ll measure that, but let’s try….. Also, if you’d like to follow this story, please subscribe to my blog. It’ll alert you by email every time I post.
Are ya with me???
Chasing Serendipity 